Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Breakdown

-the truth on being new student-
I am not usually that type of person to post any negative stuff on my blog, because I am not that into having and keeping negative vibes on my blog, however since this is a blog where I can express my feelings in my current situation, I just need to let all my thoughts in my brain to get out. And because this is kinda where I can store and capture memories that I have, i might as well add this in making sure in the future I remember what I went through.
I am a optimistic person let me just say, I will keep this post very simple by saying..
I'm am sad, not in a way where I hate everything in life, but more like I hate how I am feeling so negative in life, I have tried to lift myself up by looking at funny memories that I had in my old school (however, this just made me feel worse than I actually am feeling). Maybe in the future I would share what I experienced during the past couple weeks, but as of right now I will just be doing a run through. You dont know how many times I faked a smile these past few weeks, the first couple of times it was geniune, however it quickly faded to a forced smile and making it feel like a chore, I have realised that these people around me are not those friends that have a loving or caring soul, it almost feels like they have no sense of feeling.

Yes, I have stepped out of my comfort zone by going to a new school, and I was all for it, but I dont think I thought ahead of time how tough it would be (as I was in the same school for my whole life, and was only the new student once starting from primary school). I actually couldnt wait to leave my new school, because of the limited CAS oppertunities, bad teachers (and i can list out at least 10 bad teachers) everything else I could deal with. Looking back now I actually see more bad things in my current school than my old school, we have couple bad teachers here and there, compulsory sports activities where you compete with other students (my school is known for being an area with a strong sense of community, in my opinion it isnt the whole entire houses are filled with little clicks, I dont think thats a definition of a well loved community), no exit passes (where you can leave the school if you have a free block in the last block), etc.

I know that I have only been at this school for almost a short time I will give it another week making it almost a month before I finalise my decision of moving back. But the truth is, I rather be in an environment where it uplifts my spirit making me want to work harder towards my goals in life, than in a place where it keeps me limited in a certain way that makes me dwell on decisions.

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Thank you for reading! 
kaseyx.

5 comments:

  1. Noticing differences in yourself isn't a bad thing, it's just a part of growing up. Different people and different surroundings bring out various facets to one big personality and while you might feel like you aren't yourself or you don't act the same, you're just experiencing differences of being a multi-dimensional human being. Being surrounded by things you aren't used to really brings out sadness in a lot of ways because your old comforts are no longer at your fingertips. It's just something to overcome and you'll figure out whether you made the right choice soon.

    I grew up in the same house/same town for 20 or so years before I moved out with my boyfriend, and we moved 6-7 hours away. I was most certainly not surrounded by my old comforts anymore and I was forced to find solace in new ones. It was really hard but once I planted my feet on the ground and started building "new life" habits, things got better. I now live halfway across the country from my home town and my friends and family (military spouse, comes with the job!) and I'm perfectly happy. Things get worse before they get better, though, so hang in there. xx

    Cassie | Beauty Behind the Bar

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. I'm starting university and I'm moving away from home miles away to a different town. And I had a very negative outlook on that whole situation and the fact I'm a very nostalgic person doesn't help. But luckily as time was passing I realized I'm doing something good for my future and for myself. I really hope you grow to like you new school and look on this as a step forward :) xx

    http://mariecsdiary.blogspot.hr/

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  3. Realisations, even negative ones like these aren't always a bad thing and can play a vital part in the decisions we make which can make an impact on or future.
    Whenever I'm feeling pessimistic about situations (including school) I take to my blog as and vent my feelings. I'll talk to friends or not think about it at all and do anything from going for a walk or drawing (badly) if it is making me too upset.
    It always takes time to adapt to new surroundings so you may get to love your new school, but if not, you shouldn't stay where you are not happy!

    Best of luck!

    TheDonkeyInvasion - A Bookish Blog!

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  4. Every school has it's ups and downs, I guess you'll just have to see the pros and cons of both, but most importantly what's the best for you. I know how it feels, I moved a few years ago to a school that was the exact opposite of my previous one. I can say though it got so much better and I'm glad I stayed!

    Best of luck,
    Gabrielle Isabella

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  5. Hey hun, don't you worry about a thing - it may seem bad now and you may feel down, but as I can see from your post that you've reflected on everything and realised whats best for you - that alone will really help pull you out of the sadness that you feel now. I know how you feel though, i can totally relate from the past year of my first year at university, I felt like a stranger to myself because I plainly wasn't being myself. But after realising what was making me have this negative outlook and mindset I decided to change that and I'm determined for everything to go better in my upcoming year at university.

    Best of luck to you hun!

    Pauline
    pawlean.com

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